Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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