And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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