We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
