Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
