I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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