I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
