drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
nutella sex= disaster
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think I sprained my soul last night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
A bitchslap is in order.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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