Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
