me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
