Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
