I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
