Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
