I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
