look no pants
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
