Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
