Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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