thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
