i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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