saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
