I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
