you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
