i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
