This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
