I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
