Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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