Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
