I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
