Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Randomize
