I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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