Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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