Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
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Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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