He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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