Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
