ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
