I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
