So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
