i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
