I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ladies don't puke and tell
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
