wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
