ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize