Just fell off a train. Bad.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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