how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
