Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
