Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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