You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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