he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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