Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize