There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
