apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
