..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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