I am in a vortex of obligation.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
