Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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