Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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