I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
