I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
