so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
