Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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