Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i will never coherently bang her
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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