I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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