it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
