Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
