i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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